"Act 4: Hope is a Demon Bitch"

Movie Review: "Hamlet 2"
(Lawrentian, published Mar. 6, 2009)


Now that we are over the Oscar hump, there appears to be a lull in theatrical releases. I took this opportunity to peruse the new release section at Blockbuster. And how could I not catch my eye on the intriguing title of "Hamlet 2?"

Failed actor and drama teacher Dana Marschz, played by Steve Coogan, decides to save his school's theater department by writing, directing and starring in this epic sequel. How, you might ask, does one write a sequel about a cast of characters who almost all die in the first play? Obviously you introduce a time machine in which Hamlet can go back and save all of his relations, as well as meet Jesus in the process. Easy solution -- the play basically writes itself.

The DVD case boasts that the movie is "Dementedly Hilarious." Translation: this movie is purposefully politically incorrect and distasteful. Be prepared with low expectations, but some of the comedy works well. The film is a mocking parody of high school musicals, teen conflicts over different racial backgrounds, exploring sexualities, and that ever-present fight for support for the arts.

Though the dialogue is not terribly original or entertaining, you know it is all an elaborate setup for this huge stage production. The longer I waited through the banal dialogue, the more I thought to myself: the payoff better be good. The problem is, with such a tedious buildup, the payoff has no hope of satisfying the audience. The eventual climax cannot compensate for the film's diluted focus or predictable jokes that deserve only half a laugh.

Furthermore, the eventual payoff does not even receive enough emphasis. The stage production of "Hamlet 2" promises to be pleasantly ridiculous. Upon opening night, we see the curtain opening and hear the music cued. Then the film promptly cuts to a shot outside the theater with protestors and other mutinous onlookers. So much has built up to this play, yet we do not get to witness its long-coming introduction. Yes, reaction shots are good for enhancing the comedy of the situation. But I wanted to see the actual comedic, train-wreck production!

Whether or not it is worth the wait, the musical number "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" is a marvel that must be seen without much introduction. This scene is the reason one watches "Hamlet 2." All of the tedious buildup is for this moment, the all-too-brief climax. If you know your high school musicals, you will be able to spot marked similarities. You will also enjoy an entertaining lesson about why Jesus rocks.

True, this movie is not the "Comedy Heaven" that the case jacket advertises. And what does it supposedly mean that it is from the producers of "Little Miss Sunshine"? If anything, this sets up a comparison in which "Hamlet 2" cannot hope to compete. It lacks both the originality and the purposeful storyline that makes "Little Miss Sunshine" endearing and memorable.

However, there are periodic comedic gems scattered throughout the film. Coogan is master of the melodramatic and has appropriately hilarious facial expressions to match. Amy Poehler makes an appearance in a characteristically spunky role. And yes, "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" is one musical number worth repeated viewing.

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In case you want the bang without spending your buck, here's a taste of "Rock Me Sexy Jesus." This is the best video I could find. It does skip a couple of hilarious beginning lines: "He's totally the man, the man with a plan. He traveled through time in an awesome custom van. Moralistically, he taught us to be good, how to set our souls free and do all the shit we should..."

Rock Me Sexy Jesus

Or, if you would like to sing along to the full version, click here:

Rock Me Sexy Jesus Sing-Along

"Did you show him your bracelet, Cora?"

Movie Review: "Madea Goes to Jail"
(Lawrentian, published Feb. 27, 2009)

Perhaps I was wildly misinformed about this movie. I was prepared for a light, fun, perhaps over-the-top comedy. The previews did a very good job of making me want to see it. I figured, even if the rest of the movie is composed entirely of stupid humor, seeing Madea converse with Dr. Phil was bound to be worth it.

Good gracious, was I wrong. I spent the first hour of "Madea Goes to Jail" simply attempting to figure out whether it was a comedy or a drama. The previews bill the movie as a comedy; they allude to nothing profound. Previews suggest a plot centered on a sassy grandmotherly type and her escapades through the jail system. Tyler Perry plays Madea, a frank woman with a distinctive vernacular. These elements spell comedy.

Unfortunately, those scenes that actually involve Madea are few and far between. If one was to cut everything except her humorous scenes, the result would be a - significantly better - movie of approximately 25-30 minutes. And yes, most, if not all, of the laugh-out-loud bits are showcased in the previews.

So with what, you might ask, do they fill the rest of the time? Besides these 30 minutes of humor, you have to sit through another 80 minutes of painfully uninteresting dialogue and drama. The juxtaposition of two barely related storylines creates an uncomfortable clash that leaves the audience reeling from trying to jump back and forth between levity and attempted profundity.

The primary plot is never even mentioned in the previews: a young lawyer reunites with a friend from his past who has landed herself in trouble via prostitution. This storyline occupies most of the screenplay, even though none of its clips are shown in previews or alluded to in the title or even plot summaries.

Shockingly enough, I thought I was seeing a movie about Madea. Instead, I am stuck watching an overemotional, discordant drama that I would not pay to see had I known. Furthermore, I felt compelled to see it through because I did not want my $6.50 to go to waste. Plus, a scathing review is more credible if the reviewer has seen the film in its sub-par entirety.

Madea does deliver several hilarious, quotable lines. The problem is that Tyler Perry does not emphasize these moments enough. The film would be better with a cohesive focus. It would be far better were it to actually showcase Madea as promised by previews. In short, "Madea Goes to Jail" would benefit from deciding whether it was a comedy or a drama instead of providing a shoddy performance of each.

To gain the most enjoyment out of the film, I suggest watching only those scenes in which Madea appears. This will both canvas the entire worthwhile plot and yield all of the funny lines. Skip the rest - I promise you will not miss much. Those scenes that actually are true to the title and previews are worth several laughs. However, the bottom line is this: The 30 minutes of Madea are neither worth $6.50 nor 80 minutes of the other stuff.

The Prospects of March

I am more than glad that February is behind us, even if it is the shortest month. And now we have just about one month left of sun deprivation and negative temperatures. Unfortunately, March boasts few promising movie releases. Perhaps I will be pleasantly surprised -- I'll keep you updated.

Theatrical Releases:

1. Watchmen (Mar. 6) - This is not one that I am bound to see anytime soon, but it is receiving quite a lot of buzz. Comic book adaptations tend to do well on the big screen and always promise impressive special effects. Since this genre is so popular, "Watchmen" will need to try harder for ingenuity. I am personally uninterested by the intensity and darkness previewed in trailers, though I do wonder if the filmmakers chose this tact due to the success of "Dark Knight."

Related buzz: There is another X-Men movie in the works: "X-Men Origins: Wolverine." More news to come shortly in this blog.

2. Sunshine Cleaning (Mar. 13) - The plot for this one caught my eye (imdb summary): Industrious single mother Rose Lorkowski (Amy Adams -- Enchanted, Doubt) starts an unusual business in order to send her son to a private school; alongside her unreliable sister (Emily Blunt -- The Devil Wears Prada), the two women enter the world of biohazard removal and crime scene clean-ups. Also starring Alan Arkin (Little Miss Sunshine). Since the casting also looks promising, this might be one I should see. However, it is a limited release - hopefully it comes to a theater near you.

3. The Great Buck Howard (Mar. 20) - This is another film that promises a good cast and an intriguing plot. A law school dropout (Colin Hanks), much to the chagrin of his father (Tom Hanks), becomes the new assistant to an illusionist in decline (John Malkovich). Can the fledgling partnership lead to the comeback of a lifetime? (imdb) Both Hanks men, as well as Malkovich have chosen and flourished in original roles. I'll add this one to my list of movies to review.

4. Monsters vs. Aliens (Mar. 27) - It looks and sounds like a Pixar film -- and yet it's the new Dreamworks production. It looks like a fun flick, good, clean, family viewing for Spring Break. Judging solely on the cast list, this looks like a film well-worth seeing: Reese Witherspoon, Hugh Laurie, Seth Rogan, Kiefer Sutherland, Rainn Wilson (!!), Will Arnett, and Stephen Colbert. Hopefully it doesn't try too hard to be a Pixar knock-off.

Coming to DVD:


1. Beverly Hills Chihuahua (Mar. 3) - I knew you would want the exact date upon which you could rush out and purchase this DVD. It looks like a cute flick for the young'ens, but reviews have indicated that much of the humor is aimed solely at kids. Perhaps this reviewer will give it a screening when she needs a little fluff. The previews do promise a hilarious chihuahua dance number. Plus George Lopez has been known to be funny. Also featuring Jamie Lee Curtis, who is a particularly good actress.

2. Milk (Mar. 10) - This one was nominated for quite a few Oscars, including Best Picture. Sean Penn took home the Oscar for Best Actor and Dustin Lance Black took home the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay. And both men had terribly heartfelt acceptance speeches. The film follows the story of Harvey Milk, the first openly gay politician to be elected to office. It's probably not a light film, but it does sound like it would be worth watching.

3. Rachel Getting Married (Mar. 10) - Oscar-nominee Anne Hathaway stars as a recovering addict returning to a dysfunctional family for a wedding. I have heard mixed reviews for the film. However, Hathaway is a talented actress, even if she has had the occasional flop. The two that come to mind are "The Princess Diaries 2" (very cheesey, probably due to a bad script) and "Get Smart" (an overly-stereotypical female role). Nonetheless, she is talented and she has an air of class about her. I am intrigued enough to watch this.

4. Bolt (Mar. 24) - I'm sure there is no need for me to innumerate yet again the praises for this film. It's fun, original, and I personally enjoyed it more than "Wall-E," even if award committees do, on principle, prefer Pixar flicks.

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And of course "Twilight" fans will be happy to note that it comes to DVD on March 21. If I were to see the film again, I would probably yet again laugh inappropriately through the entire thing, save for that one hot scene where they play baseball and the background music is Muse's "Supermassive Black Hole." Perhaps at a later date I will give a full critique of this over-buzzed film.

"Let me bring you up to speed... We know nothing."

Movie Review: "The Pink Panther 2"
(Lawrentian, published Feb. 20, 2009)

The Academy Awards, airing this Sunday, Feb. 22, is an event I was excited for well before nominations were even announced in January. But you really do need to be in a particular mood to screen any of the Oscar nominees. Each of them is heavy, intellectually demanding, and to some degree intense. Sometimes you just need a little fluff.

"The Pink Panther 2" is bubblegum humor and is pleasantly predictable. True, half the time it depends on obvious or over-the-top humor. Also true, some of the setups can be spotted far in advance. For example, I successfully identified the true villain within his/her first five seconds onscreen. However, this is part of the charm. It is the type of movie you go to for some simple, good-natured frivolity.

Yes, you know that Inspector Clouseau will yet again, despite all appearances, solve the case and rescue the Pink Panther diamond. However, the fun part of the movie is seeing how he manages to do this despite all of his mishaps. Inspector Clouseau is not very suave or subtle and he walks into a lot of obvious goofs. Yet he manages to solve the case and get the girl. It has an all-around happy ending.

It also bodes well for this sequel that almost the entire original cast returned. Steve Martin reprises his role as Jacques Clouseau, Jean Reno returns as Ponton - the faithful, deft sidekick - and Emily Mortimer yet again provides the innocent romantic interest, Nicole. The main change in casting is the replacement of Kevin Cline by John Cleese - a switch which does not go unnoticed.

To be fair, seamlessly replacing cast members is hard to do in any situation, since there tends to be some natural preference towards the original product. Just consider how hard it was when they swapped Darren on "Bewitched." I am a fan of Cleese, but the honest truth is that this role is just boring for him. The character has none of his signature flair or off-beat, subtle humor. To see Cleese at his best, watch "A Fish Called Wanda," a personal favorite.

Another slight snag of the film is that the writers felt they needed to change up the relationship between Clouseau and Nicole. The film does initially continue the comically awkward relationship developed in the previous movie. The two exchange pleasantries and pretend to ignore the awkward chemistry. But the relationship quickly evolves into something a little different for this film. The change is not altogether unsatisfactory, yet I could have happily enjoyed it if they would have played more off of the original setup. The innocent, off-beat relationship had not yet gotten old.

As far as sequels go, "The Pink Panther 2" does avoid the curse of being a complete flop, as so many are. And yet, I have not made any mention of the true original: the 1963 Peter Sellers version. I admit I have not viewed this classic and I hereby add the title to my prioritized "to see" list. For those of you who are familiar with its story, I acknowledge that the contemporized version probably does not compare to the original. However, this sequel is funny and entertaining if what you need is some brain candy.

Favortie Commercials

I realize this is something of a digression from the normal topic of this blog. However, I would like to recognize those commercials that have stood out to me as funny and/or memorable. That's right: I watch enough television that I have a list of my top ten favorite commercials.

Note: Some of the linked videos take a few minutes to load. For most of them, I suggest pausing the video and letting it buffer sufficiently beforehand. However, they are all worth the time!


A Countdown of my Top 11 Favorite Commercials:
(Why eleven instead of ten?.. These go to eleven. Thank you, Spinal Tap)

11.) Berliz - This is not a commercial I have seen on television, but a friend shared it with me and I think it is rather clever. Berliz is an international company for improving your English. The commercial is set at the headquarters for the German Coast Guard.

10.) HP Digital Photography - This commercial is creative and fun; plus it has a good song in the background, "Picture Book" by the Kinks. (Buffers slowly)

9.) Raisin Bran Crunch - Do you remember Johnson? This ad campaign is rather inspired. Linked, I have the commercial where we first meet Johnson and his frustrated boss. Other funny Johnson commercials: "Johnson, You're Fired" and "Johnson Gets an Intern" This comm

8.) Coke - This commercial is simple and beautiful. I enjoy the woman's voice and it's a cool concept that she is just walking down the sidewalk, handing out bottles of Coke. I think the song that she is singing is called "I Wish." (May load slowly)

7.) Citi Credit Card - City had this hilarious ad campaign for cards offering identity theft protection. Two of my favorites: (1) A middle-age man who had his identity stolen by a twenty-something female; (2) Two older ladies who had their identities stolen by a couple of rednecks. And those are just a couple from the series of inspired commercials in this campaign.

6.) Starbucks - Would it not be awesome to have a personal bad cheering you on? Glen's evidently the man. Also worth honorable mention: Hank.

5.) Chevy - Now this one just makes me laugh every time. I favor those car commercials that have a little humor instead of the artsy "this car is so sexy" ads.

4.) Geico - Come on, you have a favorite Geico commercial don't you? Whoever does their advertising simply knows how to come up with memorable ads time and time again. Below I have linked a few representatives of my favorite campaigns:

(1) "So easy, a caveman could do it." - This particular ad has one of the cavemen visiting a therapist. The quality of the video isn't the best, but you can get the general idea. For a montage of Cavemen clips click here. Almost all of them are worth a viewing.
(2) "... We've hired a celebrity to help tell her story." - Featuring Mrs. Buttersworth; the best part of this commercial is at the very end when the Geico logo shows on the screen.
(3) "I just saved a bunch of money..." - Parker Solution to Hairloss - your typical hair loss commercial? (Takes a while to buffer, but worth it)

3.) Cingular - Best cell phone commercial I can remember. A mother and daughter "fight" about cell phones. This looks like it would have been a really fun ad to shoot.

2.) This is an ad - Genius: a beer commercial of a huge chorus singing to the tune of "Carmina Barana" and running through a field in different colored robes. Props to the Australians for coming up with the best beer commercial I have ever seen.

And my favorite commercial, which never fails to make me giggle:

1.) Pet Smart - You may know I have a penchant for dauchshunds. Perhaps that is why this is my favorite commercial, but it's also just gosh darn cute. Watch through to the end - the best part is when the weiner dog is getting checked out at the register of Petsmart.


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Other notable, funny commercials:

- Wear the fox hat
- Orbit gum
- Pepsi

"If it's not baroque, don't fix it."

Winter pick-me-ups
(Lawrentian, published Feb. 13, 2009)


Welcome to that part of winter term when everyone is tired of the lack of sunlight, negative temperatures, increasing stress, lack of sleep and midterms. If you are anything like me, you probably need to find a few pick-me-ups to make it through to spring term. Here are some different types of movies that might help.

A childhood favorite: Revisiting a favorite from your younger days is not only a good trip down memory lane, but also a good way to see things that you missed the first few times around. Classic Disney films, for example, are filled with witty jokes that soar above the heads of younger crowds, yet now you can fully appreciate the humor. When revisiting "Beauty and the Beast," I actually understood jokes such as Cogsworth's "If it's not baroque, don't fix it." Furthermore, I thoroughly enjoyed the satirical hilarity that is Gaston.

Other recommendations for childhood favorites: "The Neverending Story," "Aladdin," "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang," and "Hercules."


A Pixar flick: I do not know anyone who can honestly say that a Pixar film does not bring a smile to his/her face. Each Pixar film is witty, well-written, happy, and the humor is suited to all ages. Furthermore, the animated shorts that accompany each feature offer ample entertainment even after multiple viewings. My personal favorite, "For the Birds," never fails to brighten my day. Other excellent shorts include "Presto" and "Geri's Game." These animated shorts are a quick, guaranteed way to get a laugh.

For feature films, I highly recommend "Monsters, Inc.," "The Incredibles," and "Finding Nemo."


A romantic comedy: Occasionally it hits the spot just right to see everything work out picture-perfect -- especially if it does so without gag-me clichés or being too predictable. The power-hitter of unique romantic comedies has to be "Bridget Jones's Diary." Bridget is quirky, awkward and often puts her foot in her mouth -- and she still manages to get the guy in the end. "Music and Lyrics" also showcases a unique plot, hilarious beginning music video, and completely satisfying finish.

Other stellar romantic comedies: "10 Things I Hate About You" and "Funny Girl."


A laugh-out-loud comedy: Sometimes the best pick-me-up comes in the form of the mindless, ridiculous, low-brow comedy. For these times, I often screen Ben Stiller and/or Will Ferrell movies. Notable works: "Mystery Men," "Zoolander," "Old School," and "Blades of Glory." Other comedies tend less towards the ridiculous, yet provide just as many quotable lines. For crude-free hilarity, I highly recommend "Heavyweights" and "Cool Runnings." For catchy, energetic, comical musical numbers, I recommend "The Producers." I particularly suggest keeping an eye out for the number "Keep It Gay."


There are numerous other films that cheer me up and I could easily fill a whole column with merely naming them all. However, my most important advice for de-stressing film viewing is to find a flick that will make you laugh. Furthermore, find a good friend with which to watch. Not only is viewing more friendly with two or more, but you can then later quote memorable lines for additional laughs.

"It was written."

Movie Review: "Slumdog Millionaire"
(Lawrentian, published Jan. 30 2009)

When a movie receives mass attention from talk shows and award committees, I take a second to consider whether the film is really worth it. "Slumdog Millionaire" soared into our collective attention after little hype or publicity before its release. Now it enjoys numerous award nominations, wins and high praises. I had to find out for myself if it is worth its 10 Oscar nominations.

Synopses and previews did not prepare me for the intensity of this movie. I was primed for an uplifting story about what it means to live and love. Its premise: a teen becomes a contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" in hopes that a girl will be watching.

Thus, I was surprised by images of torture, violent religious persecution and child abuse. Thankfully these intense scenes do not linger long and the audience is spared from witnessing excessive violence. However, consider this fair warning that there are disturbing and intense scenes.

And thank goodness for the spurts of levity intermingled with these heavy scenes. They remind the audience that life is not all depression and struggle. The greatest high of the film is its concluding Bollywood-style dance number. This fun, energetic scene is just the right kind of upper needed after the film's intensity. Perhaps every movie should end with an energetic dance number.

Another highlight of the film is its unfailingly upbeat soundtrack. If "Slumdog" wins no other Oscars this season - and I predict it will - it undoubtedly deserves awards for music. The energetic blend of Indian and American styles supplements the action onscreen instead of detracting from it. Both nominated songs - "Jai Ho" and "O... Saya" - are well-deserving of the Oscar.

The song "Paper Planes" also complements the plot by emphasizing developing differences between brothers Salim and Jamal. Showcasing the clanging of a cash register and rhythmic gunshots, the song alludes to a culture that overvalues money and force as means to secure what one wants. In short, the soundtrack is amazing.

Another artistic complement to the storyline is the end credits. Each character is portrayed at three stages of life and thus three actors comprise each role. In the credits, all three actors who share one role are presented simultaneously. This artfully underscores the film's idea that no stage in life is more important than any other - all experiences are important and formative.

And though its praises are plentiful, I must note one handicap: the shaky camera. This movie is complex and at times fast-paced and confusing. The nauseatingly shaky camera detracts from the enjoyment and understanding of the film, especially in the beginning, while the audience is studiously attempting to orient themselves within the story.

Even considering the shaky camera, I highly recommend "Slumdog Millionaire." It is not a movie that will be easily forgotten. I withhold judgment on its Best Picture nod until I screen other nominees. However, it has guts and emotional pull comparable to past winners "Crash" or "American Beauty." "Slumdog" might sweep the Oscars this year.